king of the assholes

I had seen you plenty of times on the app. Every time you popped up I scrolled through your pics again. You weren’t unattractive, there just seemed to be something about you. Something that made me feel like you weren’t someone to “swipe right” for. Then I would get to your bio and it read:

Honest Asshole.

For some reason, you caught me in a place of “yes” this time and I thought to myself “Huh. Why the heck not. Let’s see what happens” and I swept right. It was a match.

I opened the conversation with a “how’s your day going”, not really expecting a response, since that’s what usually happens. But you responded. Then not only did you respond, you took control of the conversation. You wanted to meet. You asked for my number. I was pleasantly surprised.

We began texting and you asked for a picture of myself so I sent a selfie that I liked. Your next text was

And Your figure?

I wasn’t actually surprised that you asked. You seemed like a guy who would care about that kind of thing. I said “Worried that I’m a fatty?” to which you said “No. Just don’t want to waste my time or yours”. I still wasn’t offended. I sent a picture I had taken a couple days ago of an outfit from Avon. He responded

Just don’t come dressed like that when we meet.

That was surprising. It definitely wasn’t a date outfit and I knew that but I certainly didn’t expect to be told not to wear it. Honest Asshole. Place of Yes. We decided to meet on Thursday and that you would give me the place and time the next day (Wednesday).

Wednesday went by with no word. I wasn’t offended. I actually expected it. I felt like I had dodged a bullet.

Thursday afternoon you texted me the place and time. A bar on your side of town. Of course. At this point my sheer curiosity was my motivation.

I got to the bar first, prepping myself to give you a chance to redeem yourself. Maybe you came off worse in a text than in person. Maybe you had your guard up (the online dating world is a scary one) and once you were face to face you would loosen up a little.

Maybe not.

The minute you arrived we did the pleasant hello’s and then I literally watched you look me up and down. You weren’t even subtle about it. I saw in your eyes that I wasn’t up to snuff. I asked you what you did for work and you said you were a trainer. Of course. We ended up bar hopping to find a place to sit and talk and on the way I made a joke about chivalry. You responded that it didn’t exist. At another point in our search I said something about relationships. You responded that they were pointless. You asked if I was buying the first round to which I quickly responded “nope”. It was clear what page you were on and it definitely wasn’t mine. Two could play at this game.

Him: Do you know why I swiped right for you?

Me: How could I know that? I only met you 10 minute ago. How are you going to ask me a question I couldn’t possibly know the answer to?

Him: I liked your first picture. But the others were horrible.

Me: Well then I’m sorry to be such a disappointment in person!

Him: What do you mean?

Me: Well all of those pictures are actually me so there’s no way that you could possibly be happy with what’s sitting in front of you.

Him: So why did you swipe right for me?

Me: To be honest, I’ve been swiping left on you for a while now because I always figured you were an asshole. But the other day when you popped up again I figured “heck, why not” and here we are and I was right and I love being right so this worked out just fine for me. .

All you could do was laugh. You didn’t try to deny it. You weren’t even offended. The next 15 minutes was the best verbal sparring match of my life. I wasn’t going to lay down and let you, King of the Assholes, say whatever you wanted with no regard whatsoever as to how it would make me feel. How many other women had put up with this? Women who let you put them down and make them feel less than? I’m not that woman.

We had a drink that ended up being on the house, lucky you. You were itching to get on with your evening. Salvage what remaining hours you had to find a sure thing to take home. You looked at me and said

So this is pointless.

I said, Oh yeah. This is pointless.

We stood up and I walked to the sidewalk, through a few people and turned around to say goodnight; at least a friendly handshake after such a glorious victory on my part. You were gone. Right into the bar to continue your night.

I can’t even call it the worst date I’ve ever been on. It was actually pretty thrilling. I felt like Russel Crowe in Gladiator, ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??? Because I certainly was entertained. I had slayed that lion and turned him into the rug in my Den of Dates. Ever a reminder of how strong I can be when the moment calls for it.

And to you, King of the Assholes, I hope you can forgive whoever burned you so badly in the past. Because you’re going to be a really miserable and lonely guy if you don’t.

 

 

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ny sheep and wool festival

This past weekend I had the absolute pleasure of going to the New York Sheep and Wool Festival that’s held in Rhinebeck NY. I went in search of new yarns and inspiration for the store and boy did I find it. I’ve never seen so many crafters in one place! I thought Vogue Knitting Live was a big deal but it’s small peanuts compared to this.

Held on the Dutchess Country Fairgrounds, the festival is all about fibers. Every building was full of yarn related things, from the sheep it starts on to the beautiful pieces it’s made in to. There were spinners, dyers, weavers, sheerers, rearers, and more. It was incredible! The only thing that didn’t cooperate was the weather. It was a gorgeous 75 degrees all weekend which was wonderful for a festival but sad for knitwear. But don’t get it twisted, the knitwear was still in it’s full glory regardless! I ran into people I only see a few times a year at yarn events, customers who I see often, and yarn celebs I follow on instagram or ravelry. Everywhere I looked there were knitted pieces I’ve made, have been dying to make or have now decided that I need to make. I fell in love over and over again with one beautiful yarn after another. I was helpless. Floating through a sea of my favorite things. I may or may not have considered smuggling a sheep, or three. They’re just so cute!

So, needless to say, best weekend ever. The leaves were changing, the air was fresh and the smell of sheep was in the air. I had an incredible time and I can’t wait to attend this festival next year!

Now, enjoy the sheepy overload (featuring my gal pal, Lauren!)

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They all had the cutest sheep ears on!

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Our EPIC picnic spread thanks to Lauren’s mom!

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Can I have it???

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He’s so fluffy!!!

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let’s eat | pad grapow chicken

I made a thing! Ok, so I’ve been making lots of things but this specific thing is in my Cravings cookbook so obvi I had to write about it here! I’ve never made anything Thai before! I’ve barely even eaten Thai food in my lifetime! So I was a little worried about this one. It seemed simple but what if it’s simplicity just made it easier to ruin?! And to really turn up the heat in the kitchen (see what I did there), I was having a guest over for dinner that night! The last thing I needed was to totally destroy our intended dinner. The shame of it all!

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I mean…..what the heck is a grapow?! Honestly, I still don’t know but I think it has something to do with basil. My ingredients were pretty easy to find, except the Thai Basil, I couldn’t find that stuff an-y-where. So I settled for regular ol’ basily basil. I also braved using the Serrano pepper! Ok so I may have removed all the seeds first, but still! I usually avoid pepper of all kinds that aren’t of the bell variety.

So I cut up my chicken, dice up my garlic, chop up some pepper and that was that! Easy. Next step, combine the surf with the turf:

DSC_0986Alright guys…oyster sauce.  How is it made?? What part of an oyster is it even made from?? Oysters aren’t that big! This will be one of life’s great mysteries and I think I’m pretty ok with that. Also it seemed odd to put in on chicken but Chrissy hasn’t let me down yet so I trusted her.

As I let that little concoction marinate a bit I threw my aromatics into my pan. I’ve got to say, this is always my favorite part of the cooking process. There’s nothing quite like the smell of garlic 30 seconds into being on the pan. It’s heavenly. And then sometimes I get caught up in the moment and burn it and then it stinks. But not this time!

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Ain’t it purty!

Keep in mind that while this is happening I’m making the rice, per the bag’s instructions. Multi-tasking like a Boss! After successfully not burning the garlic and pepper and letting the chicken marinate accordingly, I add the chicken to the hot pan.

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Oooooooohh. Aaaaaaaaahh. I let this cook till the chicken is cooked through then threw in the basil. Whole leaves and everything! Once they got wilty, that was it! Seriously though….that’s all. I put the chicken and basil on the rice (that I also managed to NOT burn).

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As you can see, I was so excited to have this I started eating it before I took a pic! And look…

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…my distinguished guest enjoyed his meal as much as I did. And lived to tell the tale!

This recipe was so easy and so quick and SO satisfying! Thai food is where it’s at and if anyone wants the recipe I’ll be elated to share it with you. You could make it for dinner tonight! Just sayin’.

30

I turned 30 over the weekend. The big 3-0. Contrary to birthdays past, this one had me slightly unhinged. The idea of no longer being a 20 something felt heavy to me. The fact that there were things I always thought I would have accomplished in my 20s, that I hadn’t, I found unsettling. But, if there’s one thing that moving to NYC has taught me, it’s that the timeline you think your life needs to run on, doesn’t really exist. There’s no correct age to accomplish certain things. And if I really take a look at the last decade, the things I have accomplished fully outweigh the things I haven’t. So in the spirit of reflection and appreciation, I’m making a list of the things the last decade has taught me. 10 years of learning and mistake making and growth. Some lessons learned the hard way, some by observation, so don’t read to heavily into all of them please.

On the topic of life:

  • Pick up and move. It will be scary and hard but it will be the best thing you can do for yourself.
  • You aren’t in high school anymore so stop expecting your body to look like it still is.
  • Buy fresh flowers. Even if they’re $5 bodega flowers. They’re worth it.
  • Don’t open that Gap Credit Card. The initial discount isn’t worth it.
  • The dreams you had for your life will probably change/morph over the years. Go with the flow. They could end up being even better than your original dream.
  • Life really isn’t black and white. It is frustratingly and confusingly and wonderfully grey.
  • Do whatever you have to do to go to another country. And when you do, take the time to not be a total tourist. Find the spots the locals go to. That’s where the good stuff happens. And write about it. You’ll forget things over the years so make sure you write things down.
  • Facebook is not your diary. Have a blog instead. Or an actual diary.
  • Try the vegetables you hated as a child. You’ll probably like them now. Except peas. They’re still the worst.
  • Care about what the right people think.
  • It’s okay to be by yourself sometimes.
  • When in Paris, eat snails.
  • It’s okay to change your mind about things. Even if it’s something you’ve felt a particular way about for a long time.
  • Plan road trips.
  • Make friends with the shop owners next to your apartment.
  • Create things. Use your hands to make something out of nothing. It’s so rewarding.
  • The Florida sun will always burn you. Always.
  • Learn to cook and more importantly, trust yourself in the kitchen. You’re more capable than you think you are.
  • Going to the doctor is actually something you should do more than once every five years.
  • A split second decision can have a ripple effect that touches more than just you. And can’t be taken back.
  • Get in the water with the manatees. The story is worth it.
  • It’s okay to keep your mouth shut sometimes.
  • Don’t be afraid to question your own opinions. Especially the ones that you’ve been raised to have. They might not actually be your own.

On the topic of friendship:

  • You may never get closure on why some friendships end. Come to terms with that.
  • Some friends will become your family and you might even fight with them like they’re your family, but that also means that you choose to keep loving them like family too.
  • When a friend comes to you with a problem, it isn’t always your job to fix it. Just listen.
  • Know the difference between a friend and an acquaintance
  • Don’t beat yourself up for not staying in constant touch with friends that live far away. Communication works both ways and usually it’s the time you do spend together that means the most.
  • Don’t expect one person to carry all of your emotional baggage. It’s not fair to them nor is it their job.
  • When your friends of the opposite sex get married, your friendship will change. Like it or not.
  • Celebrate each others little things. Preferably with prosecco.
  • When you find yourself in job position in charge of your peers, do your job first, then be their friend. They won’t like it and it will definitely suck most of the time. But the right people will respect you for it and end up being true friends.
  • Don’t prioritize your boyfriend over your friends. When that shmuck is out of the picture your friends won’t be.
  • Someday your guy friends will date women who aren’t intimidated by you and it will be great! Try not to assume that they hate you in advance.
  • When your friend decides that you’re no longer friends, you’ll always still be glad that you didn’t go out with her ex to get back at her.
  • Be the DD. You’ll be so sober watching your friends be drunken fools but you’ll feel better knowing they got home safe.
  • It’s a two way street.

On the topic of love:

  • It isn’t written anywhere that you must remain friends with your ex. In some situations the healthiest thing you can do is realize that that person isn’t bringing anything to the table as a friend either and walk away.
  • On the opposite side of that coin; there’s something to be said about continuing to appreciate the things about an ex that made them attractive in the first place and choosing to not hate them for not being “the one”.
  • Men won’t do things if they don’t want to. So if he isn’t calling/texting/visiting it’s because he doesn’t want to. Take that as the hint it is and keep it moving.
  • If you want a man to be chivalrous, act like a lady who deserves that.
  • Try not to be “one of the guys” when you’re with your guy. Chances are he’s dating you because you’re not a guy.
  • So you think that you found “the one”. That doesn’t mean jack if he doesn’t think you’re “the one” too.
  • Emotional and verbal abuse is still abuse.
  • Putting up with “just a little more of his crap” isn’t going to suddenly make him realize how great you are. He should have figured that out from the start and not put you through any crap.
  • Your sexuality is not your best asset for attracting men. Or at least the right men.
  • If a guy jokes about being a “jerk”, chances are it’s not a joke.
  • Learn to be okay with being taken care of.
  • Love really is about a mutual weirdness. So if you don’t have that with someone, maybe it’s time to move on.
  • Actions will always speak louder than words
  • You will fight sometimes but fight fair. Avoid the low blows. Those are especially hard to take back.
  • All the heartache from past relationships is entirely worth it when you’re with the right person.
  • It might seem totally hopeless at times. Like you’ll be alone forever. A spinster. Don’t get down. Take this time to better yourself. You’ll be even more ready when the right one comes along.
  • It’s alright to go above and beyond for someone, as long as it’s not at the price of your own happiness/sanity.

I’m sure I could continue but I’ll stop there. A lot of people I have talked to say that their 30s were even better than their 20s. My 20s were pretty great but I still hope they’re right. I hope that when I’m turning 40 I’ll be able to look back and have a whole new list of things I’ve learned and grown from. Because that’s what it’s about isn’t? What’s the point of experiencing all these things and making mistakes if we aren’t learning from them?

So here we go 30s. Let’s see what you’ve got to offer.

To My Future Ohm

There will be times I get in my head. I will over-think and analyze something and drive myself to the brink of madness. I will be my own worst enemy.

And I will rely on you to pull me out of these mental labyrinths. You’ll need to know when to be my calm in the storm. When to stop my as I spiral down my own sink hole of thoughts.

Even when I’m stubborn and don’t think you could possibly be right about the ridiculousness of my thoughts. Remind me that that’s one of the many reasons I chose you.

To be my anchor. My peace. My Ohm.

Sincerely,

Your Head Case

Two P’s in a Pod

As of late I find myself thinking about two things. My personal life and my professional life.

Growing up I always was of the mind set that I would figure out me before I tried to figure out anyone else. I would live my life and go places and do things that are harder to do once you’re married with children. And I have. I’ve been to amazing places and seen things I would never have imagined. People have come and gone and I’ve tried my best to learn lessons from each of them. I moved to New York City and happened to fall on a career I would have never thought was possible. I have made choices and decisions for my professional life. But what about my personal life?

Sure I’ve been open to meeting people and dating men but obviously no one that I could settle down with came along. And while I’ve been in New York, I haven’t really dated anyone at all, which has been neither here nor there honestly. My life in New York has never and will never be defined by a relationship, or lack thereof. But lately I find myself thinking about things in my personal life. Why haven’t I met someone to be a little more serious with? Maybe I’ve been expecting them to waltz into my life with no effort on my part. Maybe I thought it would be someone I already knew who would reveal themselves in a new light. Maybe I was too busy making choices that furthered my professional life instead.

So when do the scales tip? I can’t help but feel that, just like I made choices to help me professionally, I will start to have to make choices to help myself personally now. And that’s a little scary. Is there a balance that can be found between the two? Can I feel fulfilled professionally and personally? I want to think I can. But making professional choices took a great deal of effort and I know that the personal ones will do the same. If looking to start the phase of my life that involves a husband and children is something I want to do, it’s going to take mindful effort and decision making. Big decision making. This isn’t something I can leave to chance.

That all being said, I’m not entirely sure what those choices even look like! Is there a bat signal I put out for these things? Do I start taking guys seriously who I haven’t been taking seriously? Can I set up an interview process with a panel of judges for the talent portion? (and there would be a talent portion) Or, on a much heavier note, do I look at figuring my life out somewhere else? I don’t know.

Is this what people mean when they refer to being an “adult”??? Lord help me.