Lately I find myself wondering how I’ve managed to not be in a relationship for about 9 years and yet feel like I’ve been broken up with about 5-6 times.

Now I’m not math wizard but that just doesn’t add up right?!

I seem to find myself in these dynamics with guys where it’s not a full on relationship, but there are definitely relationship feelings and relationship conversations. And they go on for months. Months of getting to know someone and slowly feeling attached to them in that certain way. Talking daily about how your days are going, lamenting about work, sharing stories about your friends and families. It walks like a relationship, talks like a relationship and feels like a relationship.

But it’s not a relationship. It’s an un-relationship.

And there’s always some element keeping it from becoming an actual relationship. In some, distance is a factor. In others people’s pasts don’t seem to stay in the past. And in other’s a job is the culprit. But in any case times goes on and then, it ends. And it’s always a gradual distancing. The frequency of texts starts to decline. And you want to think it’s not happening again but your gut knows better. But you stick it through anyway because ‘maybe he’s busy’ or ‘maybe things will go back to what they were’. Deep down you know neither is the case. And even when you ask ‘Hey, what’s going on here? Things aren’t the same.’ you’re reassured that nothing’s wrong. WRONG.

Then it’s decision time. Do you let it fizzle out completely and act like it never happened? Do you call this person out and ask for some sort of explanation? Do you bite the bullet and say ‘Hey, this isn’t working for me anymore’? For a while it’s been the former for me. I would hold on for far too long, hoping things would turn around until it was just a little pile of dust, easily blown to the wind. 

But I’m learning. It might have taken me a few too many times but I’m finally realizing how not okay I am with these un-relationships. They might make me feel happy at first but they definitely aren’t worth it in the long run. I’d rather put my time into someone who actually wants the same thing that I do and is ready for that. Seems simple right? Stay tuned.