I couple months ago I was dating a guy who decided he couldn’t see things going further with us. There was no more reason than that. Sure I was pretty bummed in the moment but I also understood what he meant. Sometimes you just can’t see things progressing with someone and there’s no specific thing that you can put your finger on as to why that is. (or maybe that’s what I’m telling myself to feel better, but that’s not the point for this post haha)
Afterward a (happily married) customer at the store asked me about how things were going with him. I updated her. As we chatted about men and life and dating she said something that intrigued me:
Men aren’t ready until they’re ready. And when that happens they’ll choose the person who’s right next to them at the time.
Now, a lot of this feels really true to me. So often I’ve gotten involved with guys who think they’re ready at first but aren’t. Things end and then they get into a long-term relationship, if not married, with the next girl they date. a la Good Luck Chuck. Our time together wasn’t bad or tumultuous. It just wasn’t the right timing. They weren’t ready. Which of course at the time feels horrible but in the long wrong is obviously beneficial to me as well. I think at time point in my life I’m just not taking breakups personally. I know what I’m bringing to the table, good and bad. If someone doesn’t want to pick up what I’m putting down, that’s not on me. One of these times a guy will be ready. Will like what I’m offering and subscribe to all of it.
But will it be simply because I happened to be the girl next to him?
I would honestly love to have some men’s opinions on this. Do you guys feel like this is the case??
Honestly, as much as I’d like to lend some revelatory insight to where you’re coming from, I don’t know if I can really dispute it! A lot of my childhood friends are now in long-term committed relationships (now marriages) that have spanned years and even over a decade. Meanwhile, I’ve been married and divorced, began another relationship that was more horrible than anything else I’d ever experienced, and now feel like I’m floating aimlessly. I am in a relationship now, again, and it feels safe and stable and is probably the most casual I’ve ever been with a partner – and yet I still can’t help but feel stuck. There’s a sense of wanting more out of a relationship, but as soon as I settle into one I get restless and uncomfortable with the idea of being “tied down” – regardless of whether that’s actually the case (which, right now, it’s not!)
As to the quote you shared, I actually kind of resonated with that. I’ve never subscribed to the whole “there’s one person out there for everyone” philosophy. I just go with what’s around me, see what and whom I’m attracted to and, for lack of a better phrase, go with the flow. I do tend to form strong emotional attachments to people I meet, but it’s very difficult for me to envision sharing my future with any one specific individual. It actually kind of scares me, a little. And the fact that I don’t know whether that’s good or bad, or even what kind of person that makes me, scares me even more! But, hey, I can’t say that I live an unhappy life and I always do my best to live my life without hurting others in the process. But, anyway, I guess this is just kind of where I’m at in a disposable society such as this one. Just trying my best, one day at a time!
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