How Are You?

I’ve come to despise this question. Does anyone really want to know how you are? Or do they say it out of habit in order to hear “I’m good” and move on with the conversation. I feel like if someone’s answer was “I’m terrible and hating my life” then the person asking wouldn’t know where to go from there. Lately I find myself spitting out an “I’m good” whenever I’m asked this question, but on the inside I’m screaming “I’M UNHAPPY, LONELY, AND MISERABLE!!! THIS ISN’T WHERE I WANT MY LIFE TO BE AND I DON’T SEE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL”. But I don’t want to be the Debbie Downer and unload my issues on someone who is just trying to make conversation. Even if that someone is my best friend or mother. I figure, they have their own stuff to deal with so why should I bother them with mine too?  Is that wrong? I can’t decide if it is or not. On one hand I feel like I’m sparing them from my crap but on the other hand it only makes me feel more lonely. It’s a terrible cycle. I want to be happy but I can only force myself under these conditions for so long. I don’t want to have to force myself. I want to just BE happy. I want to enjoy what my life is instead of pretending to like it and just hope that it gets better. ugh 

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