The other night I was on the phone with my mom when I felt the need to tell her how I’ve been feeling lately.
“I just feel less……..less.”
And that’s all there was. I searched for the word to come after the less but there seemed to be too many to pin one down.
less rested less happy
less qualified less talented
less attractive less social
less young less bright
less ambitious less fit
Just a lot of less. And I’m not really sure why. Sure some things have happened in my life lately that weren’t very ideal but I felt that I had worked through them. I certainly didn’t think they were events that would effect me to a point that I can’t figure out how to fix the way I feel. The usual chocolates and happy TV hasn’t worked. I’ve been trying to really make myself enjoy the simple things every day like drinking my morning tea and feeding my fish but the joy of those doesn’t really last as long as I need it to lately. I don’t expect anyone to come along and “make” me feel better either. I do know one thing and that is that I really don’t like this. This isn’t me. It feels like I’m wearing 3 winter coats at the same time….it doesn’t hurt, it’s just uncomfortable.
Maybe this thing will work itself out on its own. Maybe I need a solid cry. Maybe just writing it down and getting it all out will help it along. I don’t know.
In the meantime please excuse my blue-ness.