I don’t think I’ll ever understand.

Why you would start your marriage by ending a friendship. How it was so easy to throw away something we had built for 10 years. That you chose an email to kill our past.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to grasp the fact that you’re choosing to spend your life with someone who would make you cut a person out of your life. A person who has nothing but love and support for you. A person who has seen you grow and prepare for this very moment. A person who wants to celebrate this day and send you off into this new chapter of your life.

We’ve been to hell and back and we’ve done it together. Through break-ups and make-ups. Watching each others families grow and supporting each other when one a member passed. We grew into adults together. We did the hardest thing in the world by staying great friends after college. In your own words “We’ve been through too much to ever get rid of each other”. I felt so confident in that.

I never saw a day where your marriage would only be possible if I wasn’t in your life. In my mind she and I would have become great friends too. And someday my husband would join the party and the four of us would be complete. We would visit each other and make great memories and be “aunts and uncles” to each others children. Our spouses would get along famously because those were the type of people we are so how could we not marry those type of people too? It was the prettiest picture and it meant the world to me.

To say that I am hurt is an understatement. You have blindsided me in a way that makes it hard to breathe at times. I find myself questioning the last 10 years of our lives and wondering if all this time it wasn’t what I thought it was. Maybe I was always more invested in our friendship than you were. Maybe being a part of each others families wasn’t as important to you as it was to me. Your cold email doesn’t make me think anything to the contrary. You couldn’t give our friendship the decency of a phone call.

I’ll never understand how getting rid of me was the solution to her problem.