march

I can’t believe it’s already March. It seems like February flew by….even WITH  an extra day!  Did you say Rabbit Rabbit?? Did it work for you, looking back on your month? I hope so. I can honestly say that I think it worked for me! I got hired for a third job as the Stage Manager at the community college in my town, I won a drawing from Pushups with Polish, I spent my Valentine’s Day with my best friends, and I got my tax return. All pluses in my book!

On a different note, I’ve been applying for theatres lately. Theatres away from home. So far it’s been fairly daunting. There isn’t much out there that pays enough for me to make most of a living on, which is somewhat frustrating. I’m pretty determined though. In May it will be 2 years since I moved home and by the time i hopefully move in the Fall I feel like that will have been more than enough time for me. Of course it’s been wonderful living rent free and being able to live near my family, and who knows, maybe someday I’ll decide that this is where I want to settle down and raise childrens, but right now, at this moment in my life, I can’t help but feel like there is so much out in the world that I need to see and experience. I’ve got no strings, no weights to hold me here. So fly I must. Maybe to NYC, maybe to the West, who knows. I just know that I don’t want to look back at my twenties and feel like I could have done so much more with them. So I search. and search. and search some more. Looking through theatre’s websites, trying to find any indication that they might need me. Emailing production staff and managers, selling myself to them in the nicest way possible. Hoping they’ll like what they read and offer me a decent amount of money. I mean, as much as I’d love to volunteer for theatres, I gots bills to pay! I don’t know anyone who can live in $75 a week! sheesh. So, if you wouldn’t mind sending some good theatre vibes my way, I’d really appreciate it. Or if you happen to know a sugar daddy that could work too!

Another thing rolling around in my head lately is thinking about where I was in my life a year ago. There was someone. Someone who, I thought, had the potential to be rather significant to me. It was new and exciting and I couldn’t wait to see where it would go. Obviously now I know where it went. Nowhere. But it changed me. Changed the way I went about things with men in particular. Looking back I’m not bitter about it ending. It’s more significant to me because it was the last time I felt that way. And now it’s been a year. When he and I met, I wanted to be single. I chose that because I wanted it and when he came along I started to change my mind…because of him though, not because of me. Now I feel myself not wanting to be single so much. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have that person to rely on and cherish. Now, am I going out and searching for it in bars and at gyms? No. I don’t have the time for all that. But I think being in that mental place is a step in the right direction. A step I haven’t actually chosen in a very long while. And I’m not gonna lie, it does make me feel a little lonely at times, but that’s what best friends and ice cream is for right?!

So yeah, that’s what’s up.

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