As of late I find myself thinking about two things. My personal life and my professional life.
Growing up I always was of the mind set that I would figure out me before I tried to figure out anyone else. I would live my life and go places and do things that are harder to do once you’re married with children. And I have. I’ve been to amazing places and seen things I would never have imagined. People have come and gone and I’ve tried my best to learn lessons from each of them. I moved to New York City and happened to fall on a career I would have never thought was possible. I have made choices and decisions for my professional life. But what about my personal life?
Sure I’ve been open to meeting people and dating men but obviously no one that I could settle down with came along. And while I’ve been in New York, I haven’t really dated anyone at all, which has been neither here nor there honestly. My life in New York has never and will never be defined by a relationship, or lack thereof. But lately I find myself thinking about things in my personal life. Why haven’t I met someone to be a little more serious with? Maybe I’ve been expecting them to waltz into my life with no effort on my part. Maybe I thought it would be someone I already knew who would reveal themselves in a new light. Maybe I was too busy making choices that furthered my professional life instead.
So when do the scales tip? I can’t help but feel that, just like I made choices to help me professionally, I will start to have to make choices to help myself personally now. And that’s a little scary. Is there a balance that can be found between the two? Can I feel fulfilled professionally and personally? I want to think I can. But making professional choices took a great deal of effort and I know that the personal ones will do the same. If looking to start the phase of my life that involves a husband and children is something I want to do, it’s going to take mindful effort and decision making. Big decision making. This isn’t something I can leave to chance.
That all being said, I’m not entirely sure what those choices even look like! Is there a bat signal I put out for these things? Do I start taking guys seriously who I haven’t been taking seriously? Can I set up an interview process with a panel of judges for the talent portion? (and there would be a talent portion) Or, on a much heavier note, do I look at figuring my life out somewhere else? I don’t know.
Is this what people mean when they refer to being an “adult”??? Lord help me.