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July comes in with a BANG

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When last Friday rolled around I couldn’t help but have this sense of awesomeness about the weekend. Something inside me said “ya know what Sarah, you’re probably not going to sleep a lot, but it will be totally worth it”. And I’m glad to say I WAS RIGHT! Regardless of the fact that I worked all weekend, it was still a pretty wonderful couple of days. And well needed to say the least.
Now, I’m not going to list every detail of my loooong weekend but I will say this, it was so great to get to know new people, sit on the swing with my poppop, lounge around on a boat, and have 2 whole days off from work. All things that I haven’t had time for lately with my 3 jobs using up all my time. 

it’s a long story and luckily it wasn’t MY shoe!

-My summer job is as a head hostess at on old wooden hotel. It’s my 3rd season there and there are a few of us who keep returning and have known each other for these past years. There are also a lot of new people every summer which makes the month of May similar to the first day of school. Everyone’s trying to remember names and figure out who they will get along with or butt heads with. It’s exciting! Some people are local, some are from different continents all together! Last year I got to meet the bellmen that work at the hotel and I’m so grateful I did. They are honestly some of the best men I know, but more about them later. This year I’ve been hanging around in the kitchen more. Some of the guys back there have worked there just as long as I have and I’m almost ashamed that I hadn’t gotten to know them yet. SO, as I said, I’ve been going out of my way to fix this. And again, I find myself being totally in awe of the group of people I’ve met. Most of them are my age and have accomplished and done amazing things! And to make it even sweeter, they are just down right NICE PEOPLE. One could pass as my brother, which we often try to do at the bars, one is 23 and is already receiving awards that chefs work towards their entire lives, and another one graduated from a local high school and happens to know all my buddies{ironical? I think so!} AND lived in France for 7 months . Needless to say, the summer season isn’t even half over and I’m so grateful for getting know them already. I can only look forward to the fun times that are in store. In this part of NY especially it seems very difficult to meet interesting and genuinely good people to spend time with. I honestly couldn’t be more pleased and just…happy.

-Two years ago we lost my grandmother after she went through chemo for a brain tumor. It was a huge loss to our family and left my poppop alone in the house that they shared. My aunt and dad would be sure to check on him often and be around to make sure he was alright. Last July 4th weekend, my aunt passed away suddenly. There was no real explanation for her death but it was all too soon to losing my grandmother and it was a huge blow to our family. I had moved home weeks before it happened so I was glad to be here to check in on my poppop still and just be with him. Needless to say, life and jobs tend to get in the way, so I don’t get to spend as much time with him as I’d like. So on Tuesday I went to visit him. It was so peaceful to just sit on the swing with him and enjoy the beautiful weather. He isn’t a big conversation maker so there were a few long pauses but I really didn’t seem to mind as much as I tend to. It was just nice to have it be he and I, drinking tea, feet in the grass. It was nice to have the time to make for him and I’m so glad I did.

the guys

-As I said earlier, the bellmen I work with at the hotel are a top-notch group of fellows. Maybe it’s a bellman thing, I don’t know, but these guys are some of the funnest and nicest I know and I love spending time with them (even if it gets in into trouble at work sometimes). So when I was invited by them to spend a day on the lake I obviously jumped at the opportunity. It was almost therapeutic to be on the water with such great vibes from such great people. How did I get so fortunate?? Good people, good beers, AND a boat? I can’t imagine a better day off. It was just what the doctor ordered.

Chautauqua Lake

I can honestly say that this was the best 4th of July weekend I’ve had in a long time, if not ever, and the rest of July’s weekends have some serious work to do if they want to compare. I didn’t have a voice for any of it and could have used a lot more sleep than I got, but it was so worth the time I got to spend with the new and old people in my life.

I’m truly, truly grateful.

For America. 
For Friends.
For Freedom.

the itch

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I’ve got the itch. The itch to get up and go. I can’t help but feel like there is so much I’m missing by living at home and not pursuing my career right now.

Riverside Theatre, Vero Beach FL

I miss the theatre. The hustle and bustle of getting ready for opening night. The hard work that goes into making a show come together. Getting to know a group of people you’ve never met before and knowing that that combination will never be recreated.

I miss living in a place brimming with culture. With night life. A place with Saturday morning markets and hole-in-the-wall cafes. A place where there are tons of opportunities to do anything! New people to meet every day.

But I’m in a corner. My school loans keep me at home where I don’t have to pay rent. At home where I have 3 jobs handed to me. At home, a place I told myself I would never get stuck in. And here I am, feeling as stuck as ever.

My only consolation is that hopefully a year from now I will be able to make some kind of move. For my career and for my sanity. Here’s hoping.

to be a good wife?

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One of my three jobs is working in the dining room of an old, wooden hotel along the lake. I could write a whole post on the history of the hotel alone so I won’t get into the details of that now. Needless to say, it’s a pretty cool place to work. Anywho…last night, while in between meals I was hanging around the kitchen, as I often do.

Now, let it be known that I am pretty fascinated by things that I’m not particularly good at. Cooking is one such thing. In my defense, I’m not horrible at cooking, and as long as I have a recipe to follow I can make humanly edible dishes. But it’s not my strong suit. That is to say, my brain doesn’t function very creatively when it comes to cooking. I can create patterns for purses and write music and recite monologues and that is where my creative juices really flow. My sister got all the creative cooking genes though so I get to enjoy the fun things she makes! {she also has a blog about cooking, aptly named Cooking with Cassie}

So, because of my lack of totally awesome cooking abilities, I really enjoy watching chefs, especially in person, as they cook and prepare meals. I’m also a firm believer in the idea that seeing the effort being put into your food makes it taste that much better!

On this particular night, the head chef and sous chef were each preparing dishes so I found myself floating back and forth to watch them in action. It was pretty neat to watch. The head chef at the hotel is only 23 and has already established himself as a talented chef. {23!!! what have I been doing with my life??!?!!!?!}As I was watching him and explaining to him that I’m not entirely apt at cooking he said something that was awfully interesting:

Well if you want to be a good wife someday, you better learn how to cook
I couldn’t help but to find this statement hard to swallow. So if I don’t get better at cooking I won’t be a good wife? Are those really the stipulations for making a husband happy? I don’t think so. It’s safe to say that the man I trick into marrying me will be well aware of my short comings in the kitchen. Maybe he’ll even make up for them by being a great cook. Regardless, I don’t think that my performance as a wife will be judged on my meal making skills.
More than anything, I guess I’m surprised that there are people, in my age group, that still see the roles of a marriage in this way. His and Her responsibilities aren’t realistic to me. Marriage should be a team effort; each person picking up the slack and supporting the other. Not, the wife does certain wife tasks and the husband does certain husband tasks. I don’t buy it and I sure as hell won’t marry a man that does. 
I am going to strive to be the best wife I can be. I will love and support my husband in every way that I can. I will bring everything I have to the table and he will love me for that. I won’t be a good wife, I will be a great wife; mediocre cooking abilities and all.

Trees

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Last week the little boy I nanny took me to his tree house. The tree itself was more like 7 different trees all coming from one root system in the ground, which left a flat space in the center. The perfect place for a 5 year old to climb around without ever being too high.
I grew up on a farm and with that came an extensive childhood of adventuring; more specifically, tree climbing. Tree climbing was second nature to me. Like breathing. I could climb a tree before I knew how to swim or ride a bike. It was in my blood. I would climb as high as possible, find horizontal branches to nap on, swing from branch to branch, and drop from ridiculous heights to get out and do it all over again. It never mattered how raw my hands got or how many scratches my legs collected; still I climbed.
Over the years I grew to have very few tree climbing opportunities. College and jobs replaced climbing and adventuring. It wasn’t something I meant to have happen, but it did.
All that being said, you can imagine my joy at having this tree to explore. And at having my camera with me. I could have stayed there for hours. My insides felt so peaceful and warm; like there was a tiny light that had been lit inside me. It was like coming home after a very, very extended vacation. And just like riding a bike, I found myself climbing and exploring every branch of this tree system.

an empty next sitting in one of the branches

this neighboring tree had been uprooted.  Pretty powerful stuff.


These days I find myself having 3 jobs, nannying being one of them, and barely any time to breathe let alone enjoy some “me” time. It’s nice to know though that now I have this warm place to go to on occasion. I always am realizing that I need to start finding the “me” time before I work myself into a knot with no way out. Because if I don’t take care of me, who will?

creativity

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The creative is the place that no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself.

Alan Alda
I found this quote on the Violet’s blog….big thanks ladies (and Alan Alda). I love the idea of my intuition and creativity being a wilderness…some secret place that’s always new to explore. Too easily I feel that people get comfortable in their talents, especially creativity. They find something their good at and stick to it, never pushing the boundaries to see what’s over the edge. 

plus the visual image of me finding myself in the middle of an uncharted forest is pretty lovely.

chameleon

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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am. And slowly I’m coming to the conclusion that I’m a lot of different types of people, all in one. Now, most people would say something like “you just haven’t figured out who you are yet”, but I disagree. I don’t find myself feeling a need to identify with any one type of person; or even two types for that matter.  I enjoy being able to relate to anyone I come across…no matter what their walk of life. Like a chameleon, I adapt to my surroundings but still remain myself. Even in high school I was never one to belong to any one “clique” of kids. I was cool with the jocks, band kids, musical types, and special ed students. I give a lot of the credit for this to my school though. It wasn’t very big and everyone did a little of everything which made it easy for everyone to get along. But it was definitely a foundation for me.

T-Shirt from Blend Apparel

At times I feel like I’m cheating on some parts of myself when I’m favoring one type or another. Or like I HAVE to choose a few and stick to them. But then I realize that ignoring those other parts, no matter how small they are, would be untrue to myself. And that I can not do. Even if my different types tend to contradict each other, I still think it’s important to recognize and accept them.
Who knows, maybe over time I’ll become more of one type or another, but I really hope that doesn’t happen. Being as extroverted as I am (and trust me…I AM) it’s really convenient to be able to make friends so simply.
So……who am I? I’m an extroverted tomboy in a skirt. I’m a loyal friend and loving family member. I would cease to exist without music, delicious foods and lots of laughter. I’m a child of God with a bit of a dark streak.

I’m a parfait of personality!  And that’s just the way I like it.   

the rain.

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my adorable wellies!

the rain makes me feel drab. correction: the gray sky that comes with the rain makes me feel drab. My only solace that comes with this type of weather is getting to wear my adorable wellies ( and yes, they are adorable).

I need sunshine. I need warm weather. These are imperative to my survival (maybe I’m part lizard?). After such a long winter I’m having trouble fighting off this down feeling on a rainy day. And it only seems to spread through the rest of my life. My energy is gray. My ambition is gray. My creativity is gray. I’m restless and I hate it.

This weather needs to break before I do.

one year.

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It amazes me. The things that can change in a year. Your location. The people around you. Your attitude. 

A year ago I moved back home to live with my parents. This stemmed from a falling out that happened between my best friend and I, whom I was living with at the time.  This person had known me better than anyone for the prior 4 years. It was like a break-up and it was the worst one I’d ever experienced.

I arrived at home a different person. My spirit was broken. My heart was hurting. I had always expected to find my lifelong friends in college and to not be the person who had to move back in with their parents. Those were 2 things I thought I was sure of. I found myself to be mistaken.

And not only was I hurting, I was mean. And angry. I lashed out at the people supporting me.

It was an ugly time.

Now, a year later, I look back and see how far I’ve come. Am I entirely happy with the way my life is right now? No. But I’m making the best of it. And that’s the hardest part.
I finally have a sturdy base of people around me. Some old friends and some new.  But all loving and caring and supportive of me.

I feel lighter. Brighter. Like a shroud has been lifted. I can breathe deeply again.

It’s pretty amazing. The way things can change in a year. And without you really noticing it happen.