A weight has been lifted off my chest. Today, after a whole summers worth of working and effort, I finally paid off my credit card! It was my goal for the summer and it feels absolutely amazing to reach it. I feel free. Like this huge rock has been on top of me, holding me down, and now it’s finally off. I can stand taller.
And what’s even better is that I’m still working my third job so all the moneys I can there can now go into my savings account. More money in the savings account means more money to eventually move away and DO something with my degree and my life. And that’s the real payoff; seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Feeling like all the work hasn’t been for nothing.
It feels great. Simply wonderful.
dysfunction
It’s my norm. With male relationships anyway. And yes, it has everything to do with the relationship I had/have with my father. I guess to keep it short and sweet we’ll just say that my dad was a good father, but he wasn’t ever a great father. And it wasn’t really a choice he made. He just didn’t really know how. This caused for a great deal of bitterness on my part growing up. There was always something missing in our relationship, it never really clicked. Over the years it has gotten better, on both of our ends. I had to come to terms with the fact that I would probably never have my ideal father-daughter relationship, and to be ok with the relationship I did have.
Somewhere along the road though, I became comfortable in the dysfunction. It was what I was used to. With men anyway. And of course it started to play itself out in the guys I chose to date. Obviously at the time I had no idea it was happening, but I managed to get myself into “relationships” (I use the word loosely since not many of them can actually be called one) with guys who were either emotionally unavailable, not interested in the same kind of relationship as I was, or were great guys that had awful timing. Looking back now it’s easy to see the red flags and road blocks in all of them. That’s not to say that I’ve dated a string of bad guys. There have actually been some really great guys in the mix that I still consider wonderful friends, but at the time the situation just wasn’t right for us. And it’s not a matter of a lack of good guys being interested either. There have been close to perfect guys that for some reason, reasons I can’t explain, I just haven’t been interested in. It’s frustrating. Sometimes I wish I could will myself to be into them, but I know that wouldn’t be entirely fair to them. And the idea of pretending to like a guys just seems cruel to me.
So, now that I’m aware of the fact that I get myself in these impossible relationships, the big question is, How do I stop? How do I keep myself from being interested in the guys that aren’t right for me or aren’t interested in the same thing that I am? How do I avoid the guys that I know are covered in dysfunction.
I have no idea. Not a damn clue. I keep hoping that one of these days I will wake up and just have the answer, right there in front of me, ready to put to good use. So far that hasn’t happened. And within the past year I do feel like I’ve gotten a little better and avoiding really bad fellows. But still.
I’m ready for someone great. And I don’t want to miss out on that someone because I’m too busy trying to make things work with the wrong potential someone.
What a pickle. A big, dysfunctional pickle. Whatever that looks like…
Mr. Darcy: So what do you recommend to encourage affection?
Elizabeth: Dancing. Even if one’s partner is barely tolerable.
– Pride & Prejudice
a laborious weekend
What a crazy couple of days. My weekend was just as fun and busy as I had hoped it would be. The weddings I worked Saturday and Sunday were both all day events but I somehow managed to muster up the energy to still go out with my friends afterwards. There were many beers consumed, much dancing done, and little sleep had. {am I 21 again and didn’t know it??}
And speaking of friends, I’m SO loving the people I’m surrounded by lately. I haven’t felt this secure in my friendships in a long time. It’s a truly wonderful feeling.
Labor day itself was the most labor-free day of the summer for me. It started out pretty strangely. Let’s just say that having your friends mom find your underwear in the driveway is a situation that can only be laughed about. And no there isn’t a salacious tale to back that up. Beyond that, it included an over-sized bean bag, a No Reservations Marathon, a great nap, and a chili cheeseburger. A pretty superb way to spend a day off, if you ask me.
And somehow I managed to get only 2 pictures from the weekend. On Sunday we didn’t get much of a break for lunch/dinner, so we whipped up a huge salad bar for everyone to enjoy. The girls set up the salad options while the guys set the table on the porch for us all.
It was perfect.
We ate, we sat, we chatted. It was just what we all needed to prepare ourselves for the Jewish celebration we were about to be immersed in. {side note: if you’ve never been to a Jewish wedding, I highly recommend you attend one. It’s quite the experience. And so much tradition.}
Overall, this past weekend was a great way to say goodbye to summer. Summer, that apparently left overnight.
Bring on the long sleeved shirts and clogs cuz here comes Fall!!
this weekend
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| Isn’t he just the cutest! |
I’m sooo looking forward to this weekend, despite the fact that I will be working. Not only is it labor day weekend, but today is my Poppop’s 80th birthday. 80 years old! I can’t even imagine. And he’s still a pretty active guy. So because it’s Friday, my weekend will start out with a birthday fish dinner, just he and me. Pretty delightful.
Saturday and Sunday will consist of working 2 weddings at the hotel. The bright side? I don’t have to go into work until 10am! Sleeping in here I come!! I don’t remember the last time I didn’t have to be at work by 8 or earlier. Let’s just hope that my internal alarm clock gets the memo as well.
And that brings us to Monday, Labor Day. I planned ahead for this day. Knowing that the folks I nanny for would have the day off as well, I took the day off from Joanns (my 3rd job), therefore giving me 1 WHOLE DAY OFF!! I get giddy just thinking about it. I haven’t had a full day off in over a month. I can’t wait. I thoroughly intend on sleeping in and when I do wake up will commence in some day drinking. It’s bound to be a good time. I honestly can not wait!
There’s also 1 of my 3 fantasy football drafts in there somewhere.
Needless to say, it will definitely be an eventful weekend and I hope to have a plethora of pictures to show for it.
So, in conclusion, every one be safe and try not to labor too much! I know that will be my plan of action!
Favorite Things
It’s been a looooooong time so here goes nothing:
- Black Olives-I can not get enough of them lately!!
- Cooler weather
- Having a bedroom again
- Reaching a goal
- Corn on the Cob
- Football Season being around the corner
- Sims on facebook (I’m addicted)
- Making CD’s for my car
- Friends coming home to visit
- Finding out that some of my favorite people are PREGNANT!!!
To: My Future Pants Wearer
Just to warn you, I’ve been known to intimidate guys. I really have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I’m not afraid to speak up, maybe it’s the fact that I can choke most guys out, who knows. Regardless though, I’m gonna need you to put your man pants on when it comes to me. If you’re gonna be my man I need you to be just that, a MAN. Put me in my place when it needs to be done, don’t be afraid of me, take charge of certain situations, and don’t let me run the show all the time. I don’t think this is too much to ask.
Ever Yours,
Sarah
p.s. if you’ve already known me to this point, this letter isn’t news to you. 🙂
august’s end
I can’t believe August is already over. Not to mention most of 2011! Where did it go?
I’ll tell you where it went….work. Lot’s of work.
But I’m happy to say that the work has payed off. My goal in having a third job this summer was so I could use the extra money to pay off my credit card. It needed to be done. So each week the majority of my paycheck when directly onto the card while the rest went into my savings account. Week by week the amount dropped. It seemed like it would never really diminish though. BUT, after receiving my last two paychecks from the regular season at the hotel, I will have payed off my credit card, ENTIRELY. Can we say holy sense of relief?! I can’t remember the last time this card didn’t have a balance on it. And to top it all off, this means that all my post season paychecks from the hotel can go directly into my savings account! There’s a light at the end of the I’m-24-and-live-with-my-parents tunnel! Glorious day!
Another bright point to August ending is fall and with fall comes…FOOTBALL. Where can I even begin on my love of the game?? Since I was a little girl there were only 2 things that Sunday was for; church and football (in that order of course). I would rush home to watch whichever game was on and if I was lucky enough it was a Dolphins game. Yes, you read correctly, the Miami Dolphins are my team. You can thank my father and Dan Marino for that. Now in my 20’s my love of football has only grown and I find myself participating in fantasy teams and all the fun that comes with them. I can smell the fall and hear the sounds of whistles blowing and pads colliding. It’s a beautiful thing.
So, as sad as I am to see August go, I’m doubly excited to welcome September. Maybe there will be some rest or even, don’t say it too loudly, a vacation. oooooooooh. I can only hope.
a change…
As the vma’s were wrapping up (holy pregnant Beyonce! no wonder she was wearing pants), and I was getting ready to doze off, I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming sense of change. Like something was all of a sudden different. I have NO idea what it is. The hotel I work at is open seasonally so yesterday we switched it over from open season to post-season. I really won’t be working a lot less in post-season so I don’t think that could have been the source of my feelings. Beyond that not much else is actually changing in my life, other than the weather. The last couple days it’s been very fall-like here. My sweatshirts have been slowly cycling themselves through my wardrobe again. (yay)
The best part about this strange changey feeling? It wasn’t anxiety ridden. No, instead it was almost calming. Like no matter what it turns out to be, I’m ready for it.
So come on change! Show me what you’ve got!
I’m ready and I’m waiting.
